


The Earthling Courtship Ritual Known as Making Out

by kibasniper



Category: Psychonauts (Video Games)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Canon Compliant, F/M, First Crush, Friendship, Gen, Post-Canon, Relationship Discussions, by like a week after pn1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26249239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kibasniper/pseuds/kibasniper
Summary: Chloe is relaxing in the forest when Elton stumbles upon her. He tells her that he is waiting for Milka. As the conversation continues, a question from Elton leads to an eye-opening realization for Chloe about her friendship with Bobby.
Relationships: Chloe Barge & Elton Fir, Elton Fir/Milka Phage
Kudos: 6





	The Earthling Courtship Ritual Known as Making Out

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be a psi snippets drabble how did this happen.  
> i haven't written a long fic in a while, and since i've been working on personal stuff, this was mostly to get me back in the groove! i was gonna have chops instead of elton at first since i'm stuck in writing hell on a chops and mikhail centered fic, but writing elton came more naturally in regards to what he discusses with chloe. this fic was also inspired by me re-discovering psycho-pedia and having it confirm that chloe has a "crush" on bobby.  
> also, this is meant to be innocent stuff, even if they are talking about making out. they're just kids, after all! they have crushes and first love and stuff! so don't be weird.

Chloe became one with a pile of redwood leaves. She spread her arms and legs out, the conifer cones digging into her back. She stared at the sky, and the hue reminded her of the amber that would gather in the crevices of the trees. The sunlight filtered through the branches, making the wings on the blue and orange fireflies that fluttered past her twinkle. She followed a few of them zig-zagging around her head before scattering, the appearance of a stray crow diving low and landing on the grass frightening them. She stared at its glossy feathers, the light hitting the bird just right for a deep purple sheen to glow on its backside. When it noticed her, the crow cawed, flapped its wings, and took off to perch on a nearby branch, its bright, black eyes leering at everything but her.

She sighed and sat up. Shaking her helmet, she felt the trapped, prickly leaves coming loose and falling down her back. They tickled her skin, the sensation making her involuntarily crink her neck. She remembered Raz had done a similar action with a rather large crow feather to her side, and reminded of the avian, she gazed up in time to watch the crow vanish into the shrubbery.

Sometimes, she liked coming to the forest to think. It gave her time to ponder what events she had witnessed and the curious behaviors her fellow campers performed. When she had brought that topic up to her friend, Milka had told her that she tended to stay in the woods for days because she felt more comfortable. It was an understandable conclusion. Leaving behind the chaos of Whispering Rock, surrounded by the planet’s natural beauty, it was hard not to see the appeal of Milka’s reasoning.

She ran her fingers through the cones. They were similar to the ones created by the pine trees populating the backyard of her earthly home. She cupped one of them, a few ants scattering into the shadowed indents when she brought it up to the light. While it did not glimmer, she noticed the shade was lighter and the cone itself was longer than the thick, darker brown cones from her earthly hometown. And while she had been surprised reading about the variety of perennial plants at her local library and by Lili’s eager explanations about Earth’s foliage before Raz had invaded Whispering Rock, there was nothing quite like experiencing the differences for herself.

She tucked her legs to her chest and wrapped her arms around her knees. She felt her helmet shift and touch the collar of her camp shirt. Listening to what was around her, Chloe immersed herself in the gentle calm of the forest. Squirrels tittered and chased one another. The leaves swayed in the breeze, projecting thin shadows along the grass and tree trunks. She could smell the distant must from the lake, knowing that while the water should have been odorless, the fish carcasses slumping in the waves and decaying on the shore produced a foul stench.

Tree branches cracked behind her. It should have been a lizard, but a yelp interrupted her thoughts, followed by hurried footsteps that made her head turn. Fingernails scrapped against tree bark, but Chloe knew they would not help Elton, who collapsed face-first into the ground. His hat toppled off his head and landed next to her. As Elton groaned and rubbed through his matted hair, which Chloe assumed was dampened because of sweat, she thumbed through the worn, worn material of his unique cap.

Elton pushed himself into a sitting position. He crossed his legs and itched through his scalp. Shaking his head, he gasped and broke into a grin. “H-hi, Chloe. I didn’t see you there,” he said, and he pointed at the tree roots behind him. “I, uh, I think my foot got caught under that stuff, and well, I ate dirt.”

“I don’t see any substance which would soil your lips,” she affirmed, handing him his hat. As Elton slipped it on, she asked, “What brings you to this area of Whispering Rock? I didn’t think you frequented the woods.”

Elton nodded. His cheeks reddened, a clear sign of embarrassment in Chloe’s opinion. He toyed with his long sleeves, saying, “Yeah, that’s true. I don’t usually like coming here, but I’m meeting Milka soon.” He looked around, his eyes wide. “Well, somewhere around here. I don’t really know the woods too well.” He broke into a grin. “But Milka does! She's great at finding her way through places like these. If she were in a corn maze, then she’d get out lickety split.”

She had never heard that phrase before. “Split” inferred something quick, like a sudden fissure. “Lickety” eluded her. It sounded strange, but if Elton had said it in regards to Milka’s navigational abilities, then it must have been common to say among earthlings.

“What does ‘lickety split’ mean?” Chloe asked, carefully enunciating each beat in the phrase.

Elton stared through the trees. A glaze crossed over his eyes, the heat in his cheeks remaining despite recovering from his tumble. He sighed, the very air he expelled filled with fondness. He touched his mouth, chuckled, and tilted his head to the sky, the red glow on his cheeks stretching to the tip of his nose.

She cleared her throat. “What does lickety split mean?” she reiterated, gripping her knees and leaning towards him.

Elton blinked, his eyes darting back to her. “Uh, it means, um, really fast,” he said, stumbling over his words. His brows furrowed, and he rubbed his chin, the redness in his face fading fast.

The Tender Brain nodded. She wondered if she had committed a “social faux pas” as Isabella Sullivan would have remarked whenever Chloe attempted to speak with her. She assumed her inquiry had been innocent enough. All she had done was repeat her question when he did not answer, but in turn, his tone and expression differed from his previous elation. How his eyebrows came together alerted her to his malcontentment, the corners of his mouth dipping down in a manner that made her bubble with the urge to know if she had offended him.

But he suddenly brightened. His eyes became alert, wide with dilated pupils. He met her gaze, asking, “Hey, yeah! Why are you out here? I thought you liked the hills and other high places.” He shuddered from head to toe despite the humid air. “Man, I-I don’t think, uh, I’d be able to handle that. I like my feet on the ground at all times.”

That was exactly why she had not considered him a possible candidate for her crew. Deciding that comment was unnecessary, she explained, “For communication purposes, it’s best to situate myself with higher elevation for my signals to reach outer space. The closer I am to this planet’s exosphere will allow me to have a better opportunity to communicate with my people.”

Uttering a hum, Elton bobbed his head. The light in his eyes dimmed. He surveyed the surrounding area, remarking, “Gosh, I don’t know how you can handle that. Isn’t it scary? Especially when you hang on to that flimsy antenna on top of the lodge?” He flapped his hand and slapped it into the ground, knocking aside a few cones. “It might snap in two, and you’d plummet faster than my dad did when he drowned!”

“Negative. From personal experience, it’s able to support my weight.” She gestured over her shoulder. “Regarding the nearby hills and cliffsides, I always secure my way back down in case the location is rocky or potentially dangerous, so don’t fret about the antenna, either.”

Elton’s shoulders sagged. “That’s a relief. I saw Milka climbing it when I was heading down to the docks yesterday and got worried. I called up to her, but she gave me a thumbs up and turned invisible.” He nibbled on his lower lip. “Um, weird part is-” He sucked in a breath. “-I swear I heard Crystal shriek up there right after Milka went invisible! But that couldn’t be true because I didn’t see her…” Scratching his chin, he narrowed his eyes at a few cones and mumbled, “...unless she was invisible, too.”

She shook her head. “I have witnessed Crystal several times on the roof with her cheerleading cohort. There is a possibility that she was located on a spot where you couldn’t see her, but she could hear you,” Chloe informed, Elton remaining quiet while she spoke. “Also, she never goes up there by herself. She is always accompanied by Clem. So, there is the likelihood that you were mistaken.”

He gripped his shoes and leaned back. “Whoa! You know all of that for a fact?” He heaved out a breath when Chloe nodded. “Wow. I guess you’re just as observative as Milka. That’s rad.”

She thanked him for the compliment. She appreciated that her efforts in understanding earthling culture had not been deemed inappropriate by him. Common earth chimps demeaned her research, her recent memory of Kitty and Franke tearing through her notebook still a fresh wound whenever she would glance at either girl.

“So, why are you and Milka meeting here? As you’ve said, it’s uncommon for you to come here,” she wondered, stretching her legs out.

He huffed and crossed his arms. “Well, right now, our normal spot is occupied by Elka and Nils. We tried to ignore them, but it got pretty awkward when Nils started saying these dirty jokes. Elka slapping him didn’t help, too. They totally killed the mood,” he grumbled, tightening his grip on his elbows. He snickered and quickly waved his hand. “But it’s okay! Milka said she’d find me in the woods after taking care of them. She said it’d be better to stay away from prying eyes since Elka is such a gossip and Nils won’t shut up, you know?”

His wording seemed unintentionally vague. She clued in on the appearance of Nils and Elka. She knew they were infamous for their consistent romantic behaviors towards each other and members of the gender they preferred. Taking another look at Elton, she recalled several incidents where he and Milka also engaged in similar affections that Elka and Nils shared, Narrowing her eyes on Elton’s mouth, she noticed the faintest hint of shiny lip gloss when the sunlight flickered across his face, and she pieced the puzzle together.

“Making out,” she remarked, Elton giggling and tapping his foot, “is what you two want to do out here.”

He bobbed his head up and down, hat shifting with each dip. He peered at her and twiddled his thumbs, his swift silence unusual from his regular behaviors. Chloe’s interest was swiftly piqued. She had seen cartoon characters perform the action to emphasize their boredom, and she wondered if he had suddenly stopped caring about their conversation despite initiating it.

Elton raised his finger. He opened his mouth but said nothing. He pursed his lips and drummed his fingers on his knee, a sign of what Chloe presumed was agitation. His changing emotions reminded her of a jukebox sorting through different CDs, selecting one and then putting it back, undecided on what to play.

“Hey, Chloe, have you ever made out with Bobby?” he asked, grinning like a cherub.

If she was standing, then she was sure she would have tripped over nothing. Thoughts jumbled in her head and stirred her movements. Chloe raised her hands, fingers splayed and tense enough for her knuckles to ache. She worked her jaw, her teeth hitting together when she tried to speak, and all she could do was take in a deep breath, Elton waiting for her response.

“I...have not. I haven’t engaged in that kind of...activity with him,” she said, unsure of the correct terminology.

“Aw, really?” Elton frowned. “I was talking with Milka this morning, and she said that she was surprised you two didn’t by now. I mean, everyone in camp who has a boyfriend or girlfriend did it at least once. Even JT and Elka did it underneath the docks from what Milka saw.”

“Is that so?” Chloe questioned, gaze falling. She dug into the grass and unearthed a few blades. It would have irked Lili if she was present, but right now, she did not feel too considerate of the missing girl’s emotions.

“You like him, right? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure he likes you,” Elton said, his grin encouraging despite the uncomfortable tremor running down Chloe’s spine. “And when I kissed Milka for the first time, gosh, I knew it was meant to be right then and there. Maybe you’ll know if you kiss him?”

Human courtship was one of her greatest interests. She researched romance through television shows and through observing humans expressing their affections in everyday life. Watching her fellow campers engage in romantic activities made her realize there were many unique opportunities to convey their desire for a deeper connection. Holding hands, playing music together, or trying to rescue them from the aquatic clutches of the Hideous Hulking Lungfish of Lake Oblongata (who turned out to be quite kind and apologetic), Chloe understood them all through an amorous lens.

But while she had witnessed several instances of making out - she couldn’t go one day without seeing it - she never kissed anyone. Still, her lips tingled. She ran her thumb along the chapped edges of her mouth, unsure of why the blood in her face started to boil. Heat marred her as Elton continued talking, passionately explaining how he and Milka would kiss the day away by the docks, in class, or soon to be in the private seclusion of the forest.

When she thought about Bobby, she had only wanted to study him. He was clearly an ambassador from Fath 703. His unorthodox physical presentation with his massive tumor and protruding calcium fortifications proved that much to be true. And while he had initially treated her similarly to how he bullied other children, they had come together due to her perseverance, his behavior melting into something similar to friendship after a few days.

But as the days stretched into weeks, she had noted more things about him. He was the only one who earnestly believed that she was an alien. The half-smiles Lili forced on her, the nervous or snide laughter from others, and the slightly raised eyebrows from the counselors allowed her to perceive what they really thought about her heritage. Bobby truly understood that she was a proud Cygnan, and furthermore, she felt like she could be herself around him. She did not have to keep thoroughly explaining herself. He simply accepted them without any complaint, which he would never do for any other PSI cadet, grinning a lopsided smile at her and allowing her to talk, talk, talk about anything she wanted with ridicule.

While they still needed to work on his more uncouth aspects, Chloe thought of him as her best friend. If her assumptions were correct, then he felt comparably about her. And when she thought about the times she held his hand or listened to him laugh or let him steady her on her levitation ball, then one of many hearts would skip a beat.

“I mean, only if you wanna,” Elton piped up, her silence making him clamp a hand over his mouth and muffling his words. He quickly shook his head and sputtered, “Um, oh, man, sorry, sorry, I think I-I think I got ahead of myself and kept blabbing.”

“As earthlings say, ‘no worries,’” she said, raising her hand. Curling her fingers into her palm, she tilted her head at him. “Suffice to say, may I ask you something?”

Elton brightened like a lightbulb. “Sure!”

“Let me know if I’m asking too much, but when you are around Milka, how do you feel?”

“Oh!” He slapped his hands to his cheeks, showing more of his crooked teeth when his grin stretched into his cheeks. “I was a lost man, but she found me! She was the siren leading me to shore, just without the killing part! She makes me feel like I’m the luckiest guy in the world!” He lowered his voice, blushing as squirrels darted by them. “Oh, guess they were listening in. Uh, anyway, when I’m with her I get really, really happy, like I can be, well, me around her.” He fidgeted with the thick hem of his hat. “Does that make sense?”

When she stayed with Bobby, Chloe felt like she did not have to pretend. She was simply Chloe Barge around him. She did not have to argue about her heritage. She did not have to refute counterclaims or grit her teeth in the face of sneering earth primates.

“When I am with Bobby, then I can be myself around him without worrying about his reactions,” she admitted, Elton tucking his hands under his legs.

“Gee, you’re lucky. He’d probably give me a wedgie if I tried talking about how I felt.” He smiled and nodded. “It’s a nice feeling, right?”

Warmth spread in her chest. She touched the heart which fluttered around Bobby. A grin naturally pressed into her cheeks, and she gazed at her hand, feeling his calluses and the coolness of his palm.

“Yes. Indeed it is,” she said.

“It really is,” Milka added, turning visible next to Elton.

Chloe blinked, surprised by her presence. Milka would have normally alerted her to her presence by gently tapping the space between her shoulder blades. It had been their unspoken code in case the “hoes” as Milka called them were nearby causing trouble.

But Chloe focused on the fondness in Elton’s eyes. The stress and anxiety which naturally formed on his features vanished the instant Milka revealed herself. She watched him leap to his feet and exclaim her name, reverence in each syllable. And he did not even trip over the conifer cones around him.

He slowly took her face in his hands, smoothed back stray hairs, and brought her in for a kiss. Chloe observed, transfixed as their lips locked. She had seen other campers kiss but never so intimately. How they closed their eyes, tilted their heads, quietly humming against each other’s mouths, it opened the door to a whole new world of idyllic exploration.

Her heart fluttered again, and she thought of Bobby. She wondered if he would have treated her with the same care as Elton did for Milka. His hands were bigger, and he was taller, so he would need to crouch and perhaps cup only one of her cheeks before leaning in, the thought making her cheeks burn darker than Elton’s had when he arrived.

“Can’t kiss ya if you’re wearing that awesome helmet,” she imagined him saying, and she fidgeted, the popping sound of her friends’ liplocking coming to an end.

“I will...take my leave,” she said, wobbling as she stood up. She pivoted on her heels and offered a wave. Elton said goodbye, but Milka’s voice seeped into her thoughts.

_Be careful. He has big teeth, so you might have to pucker up a lot._

Chloe did not dignify Milka with a response and quickened her pace. Leaving them behind to resume their kissing, Chloe still felt the heat in her face and a trickle of sweat down her cheek. She swallowed, the heart which skipped beats for Bobby out of sync with the rest of her body, and she took shelter under a patch of cool shade, the entrance to Lake Oblongata barely in sight.

“Making out,” she mused to herself, kicking over a few stones, “what a daring concept these earthlings invented.”

As she walked over to the lake, her head buzzing with theories and hypotheses about her relationship with Bobby, she wondered if her people would approve of her methods.


End file.
